How to Thrill Your Man

    

Most husbands wish their wives would initiate lovemaking more.

 It can be deeply meaningful and moving to a man. It makes him feel loved. Women
usually take longer than men to get in the mood for intimacy, but don’t always wait for the feeling. Occasionally, start when you only slightly feel like it but you sense your husband would appreciate it. Your feelings will most likely catch up, but this time do it because you love your husband rather than because you love sex. And I’m sure you can think of more exciting ways of initiating intimacy than simply saying something like, “Let’s go to bed.” You might suddenly join him when he is showering, you might start whispering in his ear such things as “I crave your body,” you might . . . Well, I’ll leave that to you.

Blow away the cobwebs of predictability. Have fun. Let loose. Act a little crazy.

The greatest thing you can do for your husband and your marriage is to heavily involve God in it. High on the list of other helpful things you can do is to delight in your own sexual pleasure.  

That will keep you longing for more, and your genuine excitement about sex is one of the greatest possible turn-ons for your husband.

Many of the things that thrill a man, however, do not usually appeal to women. So unless they had ulterior motives, selfish women wouldn’t do them. Whereas average people find many things demeaning – such a kneeling and kissing one’s partner’s feet – genuine lovers are so lost in their partner’s pleasure that even the concept that anything could be demeaning is incomprehensible. It is doing things solely for the other person’s enjoyment that turns sex into lovemaking, rather than self-centered pleasure-seeking.

As you have no doubt observed, the visual side of sex means a lot to a man. For many a man, it means almost as much as both romance and foreplay mean to a woman. Out of ignorance, some men have sex with their wives without foreplay. I think you know that is no way to treat a woman. In the same way that some men don’t realize that foreplay should be a part of loving their wives, many women don’t understand the role of the visual in loving their husbands. Have you seen the way peacocks initiate the mating process by displaying their gorgeous tail feathers and vibrating them in a spectacular fashion? God created them to do that for their mate. I know many women find it embarrassing, but they, too, should seek to put on a visual display for their husbands in the intimacy of marriage.

Do you dress to please your husband or just yourself? The great tragedy is that the average wife seems to dress up for strangers and not for her husband. It should be the other way around. They should, at least occasionally, look far more beautiful and sensuous when alone with their husbands, than when they are dressed for a most important public event.

Do you really know what your husband likes, or do you merely think you know? Is your husband not interested in what you wear simply because he thinks you are dressing for your own ego and not for him?

For most forms of women’s clothing, it usually works out that the more impractical and uncomfortable the garment, the sexier it is (wouldn’t ya know it!). But that’s okay. You only have to slip it on a few moments before your husband sees it. One look at you in that uncomfortable gear and – bless his heart! – he’ll be so moved with compassion that he’ll beg you to take it off. He’ll probably even stick around to supervise – just to make sure you don’t hurt yourself, of course. And on the other hand, if it’s particularly comfortable, you might get to keep it on for weeks.

Since, at least in these things, most men like variety, it might be preferable to choose several less expensive items than one that will last until he is in a nursing home. Both black and red are usually exciting colors for a man. There are other possibilities but avoid skin tones and brown.

I realize you need to be comfortable when you sleep, but when it comes to nightwear, including slippers and a bathrobe, there are some monstrosities that could remind your husband of a three year old, or his mother, or grandmother, or a bag lady. There are equally practical alternatives that won’t turn him off his food. Since your husband is about the only person who will ever see you in this clothing, and he’ll see you in it quite a lot, it’s particularly important to buy these items for him more than for yourself. Don’t buy anything in this line that you can’t return, and press him for an honest opinion, after assuring him that you are specifically dressing for him and that you don’t just want something he can tolerate but what he really likes. He probably has little idea of what is available in women’s bathrobes, so if you can drag him along when you choose a bathrobe, do so. Suggest he stroke it to consider touch as well as appearance. A paper bag over his head might reduce his embarrassment as he walks into the shop.

The male need for visual variety

As briefly explained above, variety is important to a man. But don’t despair: you can go a long way towards breaking a man’s tendency to get bored looking at one body. To revive your husband’s interest in your body, let your mind run wild in dreaming up ways to make your body a continual surprise package.

Wrap-up

Seek the Creator for creative ways of expressing marital love that will satisfy a normal man’s craving for variety – a craving dangerously inflamed by living in decadent western society. As you do this, our Lord will no doubt give you ideas that will soar far above the suggestions offered in this webpage and the many in the link (The Spice of Life). Gently persist with new things even if your husband’s first reaction is not encouraging. It could open up a whole new dimension to him, bonding the two of you closer than ever.

For those who are feeling up to it here are a few ideas

Please pray before proceeding. This is a semi-private webpage. It is so wild that I have qualms even about placing it on the web. It is deliberately designed not to be easily accessible. I urge you to seek the Lord as to whether it would be best for you not to read it. Please take this warning seriously, and proceed only after praying and ascertaining that you have the Lord’s permission.

Variety, they say, is the spice of life. The enemy of our souls spreads the lie that the variety we crave should be met by having a variety of partners. What is really needed, however, is the variety that comes when love moves you to overcome inhibitions and creatively find as many ways as possible to add fun and surprises to your special times with your partner.

Almost universally, women dress up and spend more time on their appearance when strangers will see them than when they will only be seen by the one person in their lives that a wife should want to sexually attract. Practicing the following affirms by action that your husband really is more important to you than strangers. What woman wants to be seen in public wearing the same clothes all the time? Women seek variety in what they show the world, how much more should they do this for their husbands.

The goal of the suggestions is to shatter your man’s presumption that your body offers nothing new to see. The aim is not necessarily to look sexier, but to keep your husband wondering; causing him to take a new interest in your body. Always try to save the more extreme options for later surprises and aim to spread over months, preferably years, the implementation of new ideas, with all sorts of variations. Many times do nothing to touch up your body, but try to be totally unpredictable as to when those times will be. Keep him guessing. Keep your body a fun-filled surprise.

Initially he’ll most likely be shocked, maybe even think it’s stupid, but he’ll never forget it. He’ll always remember that you put in the effort to do something special and memorable just for him. Above everything it is the fact that these things are an expression of your love that will make them so precious to him. Explain to him that this is your motivation.

You will probably find some ideas are only worth trying once, but you’ll have the rest of your lives to look back and laugh. You’ve been daring within the exclusive confines of holy matrimony. Never again can your husband take you for granted. You’ve thrown off the suffocating cloak of predictability and become someone exciting who is fun to be with.

Get excited about your surprises. A smile and a twinkle in your eye, and especially love in your eyes, are unbeatable ways of beautifying yourself. Remember the following are mere suggestions. Some won’t work for you. You and your husband are the sole experts about what gives you pleasure. But don’t give up quickly. Gently persist. You will be doing some mad-cap, unforgettable things together; sharing a laugh and a secret that only the two of you will ever know. It’s the sort of thing that bonds people.

You’ll need to be gentle with your body and perhaps test some things for a day on a tiny patch of your skin to ensure you won’t have an allergic reaction.

A few ideas

The elimination of the need for garters or garter belt was a great leap forward for comfort, but when it comes to seeing a woman undress . . . Put it this way: after the invention of pantyhose, it’s a wonder they even bothered to invent the Pill. Incidentally, I recall an article in a old women’s magazine (the magazine was old, not the women it was intended for!) suggesting that if you are wearing old-fashioned stockings – the type that doesn’t turn a man’s stomach – and you are deliberately undressing to please your man, the most exciting way to remove these stockings is to roll them off. Sounds good advice to me. I think your only hope of enticingly removing pantyhose involves a pair of scissors.

Hire from a costume shop a sexy outfit. Maybe even hire a wig to give yourself an entirely new look. Even the clothes you wear in public have potential. Try wearing just a top as a mini-dress. Use plunging necklines that in public you would wear something underneath. Pull up a half slip and wear it as a dress. Even if you’re already well endowed, maybe you could have fun with a super wonderbra or something to make you look enormous and show plenty of cleavage.

Use lipstick on your nipples (maybe elsewhere). On different occasions, use different shades. After a few months, when he thinks all possibilities have been exhausted, hit him with flavored lipstick.

Wrap a little tinsel around you. Another time use your imagination as to how you can deck yourself with a few flowers. One possibility would be to use a ribbon into which you poke holes to receive short-stemmed flowers. On another occasion dress yourself in nothing but a scarf or two. Another time oil your body to make it glisten. Try sticking glitter on yourself. At times try subtle things he could miss if not paying attention, such as a tiny gold star stuck on your behind.

Buy lotion that gives an artificial suntan. On different occasions, go for different shades of brown. Sometimes make yourself look at if you’ve been sun-baking in a bikini. Another time go to the other extreme and find something (talcum powder?) to whiten your body.

Write something cheeky or romantic on your body, such as writing on your breasts, “Hubby’s toys.” Try a pretend tattoo.

On a warm day, tell your husband to wait outside the door for a couple of minutes. Lay down, put something like whipped cream over your breasts, each topped with a strawberry. Then call him in.

Over months, put your pubic hair through many color changes. Try curling it. Sometimes aim to beautify it, after many weeks go for the occasional startling thing, such as bright pink or streaks. Ideally, use hair treatments that will only last a day or so, to avoid embarrassment if you have a medical appointment or some such thing. Again, don’t do this so often that it becomes mundane; the aim is to take him by surprise.

Give him a strip show. There are a million possibilities that would delight him. For example, dress with lots of layers of clothes and underwear with each lower layer being briefer and hidden, and each time you expose a bit more flesh do something wild to him. If you can, introduce some music and movement (especially moving the hips and breasts.) Don’t forget that high heels are very sexy. If you don’t usually wear them, that’s not only sensible for your feet but modest as well. Can you, however, find some way of coming up with some just for a few moments for your husband? Would a friend let you borrow some, for instance?

Many a woman has discovered that her attempts at stripping for her husband only seem to make him laugh. That’s fine! Laughter is an expression of happiness. It means you’re having intimate fun together.

Draw or stick a little heart shape, or some such thing, on a private part of your body. Then without wearing any underwear put on a short dress or skirt and top that is very revealing when you bend over Tell your husband what you’ve done, but don’t necessarily tell him what it looks like and certainly don’t tell him where it is. Explain you’ll give him a special sexual treat (name it) if and only if he sees the shape. Then tease him. Perhaps go about your normal housework or put on a special show for him, doing all sorts of dances and movements in front of him. If he catches a glimpse of the sticker, he gets the promised sex thrill. If he doesn’t, he has to forfeit it and give you the thrill of your choice. Don’t feel sorry for him and give it to him anyhow. If he begins to realize you will always let him win, it will reduce some of his excitement. The more that’s at stake, the more exciting it will be. Even if he loses, he still wins because his sexual tension has built up. Keep him longing to see your special parts. You don’t want him getting bored with seeing you. Try to keep your naked body as something exciting for him. Don’t normally let him see you naked, for instance, when he’s not stirred up.

Silent sex?

When making love, don’t spoil the moment by talking about inappropriate things – he’s probably not in the mood for discussing the eating habits of the Nambian cockroach – but minimize deathly silence. Fill your lovemaking with sweet nothings. Giggles, sighs and groans of pleasure are the sweetest music to a man. Verbalize your appreciation of your husband’s qualities, and physical attributes. It’s often acknowledged how much women need to be told they look good, are loved, and the like. Men are usually too embarrassed to admit they need it too. Perhaps try some new pet names for your man – and not necessarily romantic names, they could be erotic names or ones like Tiger. Ensure they are names that appeal to him rather than you. The last thing you want is to consistently use a name that turns his stomach. Maybe even invent pet names for parts of his body.

Games

Aim to awaken the dormant erotic potential of every fraction of your husband’s body. It can take months for parts of a person’s body to come alive sexually, but each different part of the body provides new sensations when sexually awakened. Don’t give up after just a few tries. If something is pleasurable for other people there is a very strong probability that your husband is wired the same way and that it simply needs to be strengthened through practice. For instance, Jim felt an unpleasant tickling sensation in the roof of his mouth whenever his nipples were stroked. Nevertheless, he persevered for several sessions. He learnt to focus on the pleasant sensation so completely that the feeling in the roof of the mouth totally disappeared, never to return again. Now, he reports, whenever his nipples are caressed, it is one of the most beautiful feelings he has ever known. The soles of the feet are another of many other possibilities.

Invent love-making games. For instance, start making love with both of you fully clothed. Wearing nothing but tracksuits would work well. Each partner tries every conceivable way to stir up the other, but it’s a competition. The first one yielding to temptation by deliberately exposing skin or touching bare skin under clothing, ‘loses.’ With breaks, this can go on for hours (even days) if you can last. One aspect of good sex is to build sexual tensions higher and higher without relief, making you crave each other more and more. If one partner consistently ‘wins,’ alter the rules a little to balance things.

There are many possible variations, such as making love when you are both undressed. This time decide together which favorite parts of the body must not be touched. Again, each of you arouses the other, trying to make it impossible for his/her partner to resist. The ‘loser’ is the one who can stand it no longer and touches an off-limits area or begs to be touched, or brings an off-limits area into contact with the other person. If you both love kissing, another time allow everything but kissing. See who is the first one to “forget.”

Good sex often has a lot of tease elements, such as pretending to do something but not quite doing it. This builds the longing for it.

Other ideas

Experiment with various scented oils, powders, and so on, to help your hands and body slip over him.

Use different materials to stroke his body such as feathers, satin, fur.

Buy a red light bulb. Being a light that emphasizes red parts of the body, it a sexy color for light-skinned people.

Try finding every conceivable position in which to hug each other and be close. Initially, don’t go primarily for sexual stimulation but just for fun and experimentation. Try head to toe, front to back, him on top, you on top. Try rubbing your buttocks on his. Try lying on each other on the floor and rolling over and over. On and on the possibilities go. Find all sorts of ways to get limbs twisted around each other. It’s up to you whether you actually proceed with them, but just for fun, try discovering every conceivable sex position.

When you’ve got the house to yourselves, make the most of it. Don’t just lock yourself up in your bedroom. Use the whole house. Chase each other through it, use the sofa, and so on. Experiment. You might, for instance, find that the kitchen table has something to offer regarding a different sexual position. Maybe not, but it could be fun finding out!

Find a secluded place to make love outdoors. In the middle of a golf course at night? Find a deserted children’s park with swings, slides and so on. It can be quite romantic because it’s like being able to share your childhood together. If you’re alone (and since you’re married) you can really play the little girl, wearing a dress and hanging upside down showing off your underwear. You might even find some creative things to do together on some of the equipment.

Male sexual difficulties

An impotent man can enjoy sexual pleasure, but not intercourse. It’s a commonly accepted fact that most men at some time in their lives experience temporary impotence, whether it be due to tiredness, stress, too much sex, or whatever. It takes a lot of pressure off a man if he has known, long before a problem occurs, that an erection does not assume prime importance in his wife’s attitude to lovemaking. If, when an erection fails to happen, it is brushed aside as no big deal and other forms of lovemaking are enjoyed, the problem will most likely vanish in a matter of days. But if impotence is seen as a great tragedy and fear and concern set in, the problem is likely to continue and become serious. One of the most frustrating things about male sexuality is that the harder a man tries, the less likely he is to succeed. Conscious thought about the mechanics of sex usually hinders performance. This is psychologically induced impotence, and is quite common.

To a certain extent, your husband’s sexual prowess depends on you. Bill visited a prostitute. Seeing his male equipment primed for action she said, “Is this all you’ve got?” Immediately, it shrank. Realizing her error she used all her skill trying every conceivable way to regain his erection. Nothing worked. Thereafter, he was impotent. I don’t know if he ever recovered. Rarely can anyone be blamed for impotence and in this case Bill was sinning and so in my view he got what he deserved. Nevertheless, Bill’s experience demonstrates how delicate male sexuality is. It is clearly in a wife’s own interest to boost her husband’s confidence and do nothing to make him anxious about performance. Be totally honest, however. The heights of marital intimacy involve baring the soul, not just the body. In this and in every aspect of your relating, be brave and trust the God who loves you so deeply that he gave you your partner for you to express God’s love.